Good-bye, my (not so secret) love… July 22, 2008

   I had my appointment with the Reproductive Endocrinologist yesterday.  My mom went with me, because she’s been through this all before, and Paul can’t take a lot of time off work right now (and he wouldn’t have been much help anyways).  The RE was great; she was very nice and listened to my questions.  Her big thing was that I need to lose weight, at least 10%, but she was sure to say how she knew it was difficult because of the insulin resistance.  She asked if I was interested in metformin despite the side effects (diarrhea, loss of appetite, indigestion), and I said yes.  So she prescribed that, which I started this morning.  I am to start with one pill in the morning for 5 days, then add a second pill in the evenings for another 5-7 days, then a 3^rd pill if I can tolerate it.  I’ll let you know how it goes.  She also wants me to get bloodwork done in about 6 weeks to check my liver and kidney function, because a serious side effect is lactic acidosis.

   Step 2 is that she referred me to a nutritionist who specializes in diabetes, PCOS, and insulin resistance.  I need to find out tonight if my insurance will cover it, but I think I’ll go at least once to see what she has to say, even if I have to pay for it myself.  I’m sure she’ll tell me to cut out refined carbs, and eat a lot more whole grains, fruits, and veggies.  I love refined carbs.  I mean, if my husband hadn’t come along when he had, I might have MARRIED refined carbs.  I’m eating chocolate covered pretzels as I write this.  It will be sad, so very sad.

   Another suggestion she had was gastric bypass surgery.  She encouraged me to do some research on it and think about it.  My first instinct is no.  I mean, I’ve thought about it before.  I’m sure anyone who’s even slightly overweight has thought about it.  But I know that it’s no easier (probably even harder) than “traditional” weight loss, and there are the risks, plus I’d be so afraid that I’d lose all the weight only to gain it all back again in a couple years.  Also, she told me that it’s about a 6 month process before the surgery (counseling, dieting, etc), and then they recommend people wait at least a year, preferably two, before trying to conceive.  That would mean I would be 30 before we could even TTC, which is heartbreaking to me, to not even have a chance until then.

   So my plan is to take the metformin unless it kills me, and try desperately to eat better and exercise some more.  Wish me luck.

And the winner is… July 8, 2008

   Last Tuesday I had an appointment with my doctor to go over my bloodwork results.  The progesterone levels indicated that I hadn’t ovulated, and were actually a little low even for that.  She said I might need to supplement with progesterone when I do get pregnant.

   Almost everything else was okay, including my cholesterol, prolactin, and thyroid levels.  What wasn’t okay was my insulin.  I was showing as slightly insulin-resistant, which is a big marker for PCOS.  And while she never used the term PCOS herself, she didn’t disagree with me when I brought it up, and said she wanted to start me on metformin because most women get pregnant within a couple months of starting it, and refer me to a RE.  When I told her that we weren’t technically TTC until September, she changed her mind.  Instead, she referred me straight to a RE at the big hospital.  That appointment is now scheduled for 2 weeks from today.

   The receptionist at the RE’s office was confused as to why I was coming in, so I had to explain everything to her, even though I was at work.  I thought my doctor’s office was supposed to include that information in the referral paperwork?

   So now I have the appointment to look forward to, and don’t have much idea what to expect.  Maybe an ultrasound?  Probably a metformin prescription?

   The reason it took me so long to post was that I was trying to process this information.  I’ve suspected PCOS for about a year now (which was why I went off the Pill so early before TCC), but it’s different to pretty much know that’s what’s wrong with me.  I’ve been pretty touchy this whole week, falling to tears with barely a nudge.  My mom has been too.  She said she just wishes that I didn’t have to go through this.  She did, and it sucked, and even though it’s come a long way since then, it’s still not good.

   I sat down with Paul and explained the situation.  His first comment was “how can the ovaries cause all that damage?”  I explained that the ovaries were really just a side-effect, and gave him definitions on insulin-resistance, diabetes, etc, and told him about metformin and Clomid and such.  He seemed to understand, but I know he doesn’t understand the seriousness of it, although he did ask about long-term effects (diabetes, heart disease, high cholesterol, cancer), so that was nice of him.  I’m pretty sure he still thinks getting pregnant will be as easy as unprotected sex at the right moment.  And it could be.  The problem is getting that right moment, because I’m not ovulating.

they say it’s a virtue June 26, 2008

I got a letter from my Dr’s office yesterday telling me that they had my bloodwork results, and they would like me to schedule an appointment to discuss them.  When I called this morning, they said they can’t get me in until Tuesday, for which the wait just might drive me slightly insane.  I now think I might have ovulated the day before bloodwork, so if that’s the case I’m not sure there will be enough progesterone in my system to register.

In a curious turn of events, I’ve always had the same four PMS symptoms: cramps, diarrhea, headaches, and irritability.  The past few days (when I should’ve started PMSing based on possible ovulation), I’ve had cramps and irritability, but no diarrhea or headaches.  Instead, I’m constipated, weepy, starving, and have insomnia that seems to be making me exhausted.  I’m peeing every hour, and I’m about to cut off my boobs because I’m pretty sure they’ll hurt less that way.

When I peed on the stick this morning (11dpo), it was negative.  I will keep peeing on sticks until something changes.  And I’ll let you know what happens Tuesday, if nothing happens otherwise before then.

mind-numbing June 24, 2008

I often think about how busy my life is.  But then I realize that I might as well live in a prison, because that’s just about as busy as I am.  I work a little, I eat a little, I read a little.  Mostly I sit around doing nothing.  When I’m deciding whether I want to shower in the morning or evening, it’s a predicament not because I’m so busy, but because I’m NOT busy at all, and can really take one whenever I want.  But I feel like my life is busy.  And I realize that when we’re blessed with kids, we’ll feel like we have to invent a new word for busy.

So yes, I’ve been busy.  I work 40 hours a week exactly, no more than that; except yesterday afternoon that I took off to do laundry.  Yes, I’ve been known to use vacation time to do laundry.  I told you I was busy.  My husband almost always cooks dinner, and he does the grocery shopping.  Our goal is to spend Sunday mornings cleaning the apartment, which we do together if it gets done at all.  We never make our bed, he does his own laundry, and he takes out the recycling and the garbage and empties the cat litter pan.  He also works 10-12 hour days, 5 days a week.  He goes to bed at 10pm and wakes at 4am, whereas I go to bed at 10 or 11 and wake at a leisurely 7:30.

In writing all this, I’m realizing that maybe he’s the busy one, and I’m the lazy one.  I spend my free time watching tv, reading, and playing computer games (I’m kind of a dork).  He spends his free time watching tv, surfing around online, and playing video games.  We have what just might be the most boring life ever.  And we love it.

So when we have weekends like the past two, which all told included 3 high school graduations, 2 graduation parties, a Father’s Day breakfast, a doctor’s appointment, and a dinner party for my in-laws in our apartment, we feel a little hectic.

In other news, I did get blood work done last Monday, and am now cautiously awaiting the results.  I have no idea what to expect.  I’ve placed bets in Vegas on PCOS, hypothyroid, prolactinemia (sp?), and “unexplained” as all being options.  I figure I have my bases covered, and if it’s something else entirely, such as premature ovarian failure, I’m screwed anyways so what do I need the extra money for?  I’ll update when I get the news, which had damned well better be before the end of the week.

What next? June 10, 2008

In late December, I told my husband I was going off birth control pills, in an attempt to regulate my body before we starting trying.  I started charting my temps in an effort to learn my body.  In that time, I’ve ovulated once, maybe twice.  Or maybe not at all.  My first “cycle” was over 80 days, finally ended by Provera.  My second “cycle,” where I’m pretty sure I ovulated (on day 13), was finally ended with Provera after 55 days.  I’m on cycle 3, and might have ovulated over the weekend, but I’m not sure.  I’m having blood work done on Monday to check my progesterone and other hormone levels, and I have no idea what to expect.

My Mom was told at 19 that she was infertile, because of what has now been determined to be Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS).  I was a fluke pregnancy, and after I was born my Mom tried Clomid and other drugs to have another baby, to no avail.  My brother was another fluke pregnancy, 7 years after me.

I worry that I have PCOS, because it can be hereditary, and because I have a few symptoms, such as being overweight.  But I feel a little better knowing that I could take Metformin and might have some hope.  I guess if the blood work finds that I’m not ovulating, the next step might be Provera again and then day 3 blood work?  I have no idea.  We’re not even trying to get pregnant quite yet, but I’m glad that we’re at least getting a head start on what might be a long process.