BTV November 13, 2008

   This is a 10 day sample of what it’s like to live in my head.

   If my brain were a TV channel, it would be BTV: All Babies, All The Time.  Between episodes of Deliver Me, A Baby Story, and Jon and Kate, we have infomercials for kitchen products and money-making schemes.  We also occasionally have an episode of Glenn Beck or Anderson Cooper, just to keep in touch with the “real” world.  We have commercials for Pampers, Baby Einstein, and Fisher-Price, as well as those drugs that are supposed to help dampen chemo symptoms.  Those “The More You Know” commercials feature advice such as “raise your hips after sex” and “dollar store HPTs are often more sensitive than digital.”  We show the same after-school movie every day, and it’s always “15 and Pregnant.”  If you’re up peeing on a stick at 4 in the morning just to capture that precious FMU, you might be lucky enough to catch an airing of “Juno” or “Knocked Up.”  There are Weight Watchers commercials and episodes of Lost and Family Guy and Six Feet Under (usually the one where the baby dies of SIDS).  And around dinner time every day there are episodes of America’s Test Kitchen and Good Eats, followed by that mystery diagnosis show, that crazy Duggar family, and Nanny 911.  It’s a nice channel to watch.  There are a lot of laughs, some good food, and a reason to cry at least once a day.

Just Call Me Myrtle November 12, 2008

I lost my shit last night.  The panic attacks are becoming more frequent.  I snapped at Paul, he snapped back, and we each retreated into our corners to work it out by ourselves.  He slammed around the kitchen and yelled at the cats for being under foot, and I locked myself in the bathroom and sobbed until I was hyperventilating.  After about 10 minutes, I was feeling a little better, so I washed my face with cold water, came out of the bathroom, and we both acted like nothing happened.  I have to say, if Paul’s learned anything, it’s not to ask me what’s wrong when I’m that fragile.  It will only make me blubber on his shoulder for hours and ultimately feel worse.  On the other hand, a hug would have been nice.

dog-years September 12, 2008

   Monday is our first wedding anniversary.  Next Monday will mark us being together for 5 years.  It seems absolutely crazy to me that we’ve been together this amount of time.  On the one hand, it seems like the wedding was last month (okay, maybe the month before).  On the other hand, it’s like we’ve been together for 20 years.

   Last night we were driving home from the grocery store, and I asked him what a certain note was in a song, because I could not for the life of me hit that note.  But then I was singing along, softly and with incredible self-awareness.  I knew he was listening to me, and when it came to a part that I was unsure if I could pull off, I would hum instead.  I grew up thinking I was tone-deaf, and only recently have I realized that I’m not; instead I have a limited range and absolutely no musical training.  He asked me if I would be able to sing those parts in front of my mom.  I told him no, I could barely sing anything in front of my mom, and definitely not in front of my dad.  So then, we got on the topic of what I could do (or say) in my parent’s presence, as opposed to in front on Paul.  It turns out, I can do 97% of things in front of Paul, and only about 83% of things in front of my folks.  I spent the first 25 years of my life** living with my parents.  I’ve only been living with Paul for about 3 years.  And yet, I know there is no judgment with Paul.  My parent’s may always love me unconditionally, but that doesn’t mean they don’t judge me.  Oh yes, they do judge, constantly and without restraint.  In fact, I’m pretty sure that no one is more judged than by one’s own parents.  I think that, no matter how much you just want them to be happy, however that comes, it’s so hard to not have expectations that will inevitably be shattered.

   Anyways, this post was intended to be about my husband, not my parents.  My point was that I am almost 100% me with my husband, and it’s a very liberating feeling.  I like me, and I’m glad he does too.

   So Paul and I are going away this weekend, to a beach in Maine, where it is forecasted to rain for days on end.  It’s a good thing we splurged on the deluxe room complete with 2-person Jacuzzi and gas fireplace, because I’m not sure we’ll be getting to the beach, or the mini-golf, or any of the other things we love doing when we’re in Maine.  In fact, we’re staying at the same hotel, in the same room as we spent our honeymoon.  I have fond memories of sitting on that bed, opening wedding cards, drinking sparkling cider and eating Pringles, and watching South Park.  Yeah, that’s what we did on our wedding night.  Is that not normal?

* it was a high C

** excluding 4 years of college, during the week

bad habits September 11, 2008

   I had a conversation recently about bad habits.  What our bad habits were, what others had for bad habits that drove us nuts, etc.  I realized that I have a lot of bad habits.  A LOT.  And a lot of them are habits that are frowned upon by the general public or that annoy people.  But I do realize how annoying most of them are and only do them in “private;” a private that usually includes my husband.  But then there are the habits so bad, I can’t even bring myself to do them in front of him.  So here, for your utter repulsion, and because I feel like confessing, are my list of bad habits, organized by annoyance/disgust factor.

 

Bad habits I have that the general public couldn’t care less about

 ~ Drinking Diet Coke instead of water

 ~ Coffee, 2-3 cups a day

 ~ The gum that I’m almost always chewing and that I have stocked in my desk, purse, car, bedside table, etc.  The gum collection in my desk is plentiful and vast, organized by brand and flavor for optimum variety and satisfaction.  My coworkers talk about it to each other, then come over and ask if I have any gum, just so they can gawk at it.

 ~ My addiction to lip gloss/chap stick.  I buy LipSmackers in the variety 8-pack and stash them all over, just like my gum.  I have watermelon in my pocket right now, root beet and mango in my desk drawer, bubble gum in my car, strawberry in the medicine cabinet, vanilla in the living room end table drawer, and cotton candy and kiwi in my nightstand.  My purse currently contains fruit punch and grape soda, along with some Burt’s Bees and something pink and sparkly from Cover Girl, just for variety.

 

Bad habits I have that probably annoy the general public, but I don’t care enough to stop

 ~ Cracking my knuckles

 ~ Biting my nails

 ~ Chewing on my cuticles

 

Bad habits I have that I try not to do in front of others (except my husband)

 ~ Farting

 ~ Belching

 ~ Picking my nose

 ~ Picking at scabs, zits, bug bites, etc.  I even pick at my husband’s, and I know it drives him crazy but he’s never asked me to stop, so I keep doing it because I enjoy it and can’t help myself.

 ~ Smelling my armpits to see if I stink

 ~ Eating a pint of ice cream in one sitting

 

Bad habits I do only when I’m sure I’m completely alone

 ~ Picking at my dandruff until my shoulders look snowed-upon

 ~ Scratching my ass

 ~ Adding a million baby-related items to my online shopping cart, only to buy nothing in the end

 ~ Taking pregnancy tests even though there’s no way on earth I could be pregnant

 

 

I’d request a makeover…if I cared. August 27, 2008

   This morning I was walking down the hall with a coworker, and I caught a glimpse of us in a window. 

   She was wearing tailored, black, cuffed slacks, 3 inch heels, a cute tweed blazer, and pearls.  Her hair and makeup was impecable.  She’s about 5′9″ and somehow a very volumptuous 115 (or so) pounds.

   I’m wearing brown twill capris with a drawstring waist, an oversized long-sleeved t-shirt, and orange Birkenstocks.  The only jewelry I’m wearing is my engagement and wedding ring, I have no makeup on, and my hair needs a trim and a wash.  I forgot to shave my legs, my lips are chapped, and my eyebrows need to be tweezed.  I’m 5′5″ and more than 300 pounds (and bloated).

   We were like the before and after shot of “Extreme Makeover.”

Confessions. August 18, 2008

This weekend, I actually growled at my husband “I want ice cream!”  He promptly went out and bought me some.  Heath Bar Crunch, to be exact.  It was delicious, and I don’t regret it one bit.  Well, maybe the part where I GROWLED at my husband.

This weekend, I spent over 3 hours on Babies R Us dot com, adding to my shopping cart every conceivable item that I would need for a baby.  Everything from nursery decor to bottles to onesies.  It totaled over $3,000, and $500 of that was shipping and handling.  There’s something about fake shopping that’s so cathartic.

This weekend, I took a pregnancy test, because my period was more like 2 days of dark spotting.  It was negative.  I’ll take another one tomorrow, just for the hell of it.

This weekend, Paul and I adopted a kitten.  My MIL had found him at her work, abandoned at 3 weeks old.  She nursed him back to health, and now he’s ours.  We named him Maxwell, and our 2 y.o. cat Kira is slowly warming up to him.  I’m betting that they’re best friends within a week.

Weekend Update August 4, 2008

   It was a good, but busy, weekend.  Friday night I made 4 dozen cupcakes, complete with red, white, and blue sprinkles baked right in.  Saturday morning I free-formed letters (Bon Voyage Theresa) and anchors out of red and blue melted white chocolate, then made butter cream icing from scratch.  When the cupcakes were done, it was quite cute, and fit in with the patriotic/nautical theme of the party.

   The party started at noon at my in-laws, and we spent a couple of nice hours there before we had to hit the road.  I’ll confess that I was grateful for an excuse to leave, because otherwise we would have been there until, like, 7 o’clock, and that is just too much time for me to spend with some of my in-laws.

   Around 2:30 we hit the road for MA for a concert (Sarah Barelles, Counting Crows, Maroon 5), and I’m not sure what our TomTom was smoking, but it took us to Timbuktu and back before we finally got there.  Factor in Saturday afternoon Boston traffic, Red Sox game traffic, and traffic for the Springsteen concert at Foxboro, and it took us FOREVER to get there!  But we were right on time, and had decent seats.  The show was great (I heart Adam Levine), and the people-watching is always fun at concerts.  Paul was not overly thrilled, but this one was all about me, and he didn’t hate it.  He basically just focuses on the guitars.  The drive home was a little better, although we didn’t get home until about 3 in the morning.  I haven’t done that since college.

   Yesterday we just bummed around and got a lot done around the house.  We divided and conquered, with Paul grocery shopping and washing dishes, while I did 5 loads of laundry.  Now it’s back to (slow, slow) work.

 ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

   In other news, I’m now up to 1500 mg of Metformin.  Most of my symptoms have dissipated, with the exception of the dreaded diarrhea.  Hopefully that eventually goes away too.  Now we’ll wait to see if I ever ovulate.